quite a busy day

Today we are celebrating my elder daughters birthday ,according to malayalam calendar.I love this birthday , on this day , i make lots of dishes and her favourite payasam too. Usually i try to experiment different curries , so that we all don’t get bored with the same menu always.

I remember my mom used to make me sadya, and i loved to have such different tastes. I have grown up to my moms methods so , I still follow the traditional styles ,and make atleast 4 different types of dishes to go along with the rice , Even my daughter too love the sadya, she keeps asking for missing things in her plate , and I tell that ,I made only a few to fill in.

Still, when i see her happily having what i made for her , my hunger runs away, I feel fun ,when she has her food. The pleasure in cooking doubles, when I see them enjoy it. Its a bliss.

Morning onwards i was busy cooking , and as I noticed my younger one precisely busy in playing on her own, and I was relaxed, enjoying my cooking. Little did I notice that what exactly she was upto. 

To keep her busy I gave her a bowl of pomegranates , and by the time i was done with cooking , I wa shocked to see what she had done , in that two hours , of me going unnoticed. She was playing with her doll in the kitchen and I could see pomegranates lying down, all the ways from the hall to kitchen and a lot on her doll. She was trying to feed her lil baby doll ,and thats how she kept her busy, and gave me enough work to keep myself busy again. 

mm… seems i should finish my work, then sit to write… 🙂

Years and years passing by

Seems like other day I got married and its hard to believe 9 years.(poor my husband …dealing with me all these years).

I don’t know should i be satisfied, happy or upset and sad, that my years are running out of my hand. All things seems running past me , and I am sitting still like a newly wed..only in thoughts ofcourse, because I look like a big laddoo now ,not like earlier when I was a medium laddoo. 😉 .

Usually weddings are like the best and the memorable day in anyones life. For me I never  did any shopping for wedding, I was a lost soul , I was only 21 when getting married , so only thought disturbing me was that I am gona loose my freedom. Its all the effects of movies, where in I see that a girl looses her family..after her marriage and only thing she has to live with is all the memories.

As I was stepping into the married life, these thoughts suffocated me , I was not sure, how will I manage everything, but am not a coward to run away form all  my responsibilities , so I prepared myself, although being panic, I managed to fix a smile on my face.

Now being a mom and better  wife , things have changed, I don’t need to fix a fake smile, because, things around me , brings a smile on my face. May be thats life after all these years, life lets us understand and realise whats gona be with us forever.A few years before , I used to be jealous with friends who were not married, and enjoying a free life, but when I became a mother, things changed, I started to realise that , when we have everything in life, we don’t go for enjoying with others, and family means everything. 

Its true, when we are not loved, we search for love everywhere, thats when , we loose our confidence ,our self respect, and once we see that ew are perfectly imperfect, nothing matters us , and we love ourself and our family more than anything else. I know my kids love has changed a lot in me, something am proud to be now.

SO my wedding was my stepping stone to my success in my life, which led to me to my kids , so am happily married. 

mommy is mine ..not yours

Am like stuck between this fight always… one will pull me from one side, another one from other side. 

My elder one gets less time with me, as she goes to school, and she has become more lazy in going to school and enjoys being at home with me and her sis. They both fight for getting hold of me, and at times i jump away and hide from both of them. 

When they fight, I use the sam technique as my mom used to when myself and my brother used to fight , stay neutral. I think that works better, than taking anyones side. One is emotional , other one is notorious, so its always better not to take anyones side. It saves my time.

While sleeping both need my hand, luckily i have two hands ; ) . 

I don’t get to sleep in any position , as both hands keep digging ito my sides , as if they keep searching me in their sleep, and checking whether am there or not. If i hug one, other one also needs, funny part is when my elder one gets any things from me, my younger one also come for the same, even if its  beating or a sweet, she doesn’t differentiate both. 😉

The secret happiness in all these ,is that , I love it when they both hold on to me and demand for me, what more a mom can expect from her kids. and I want to love them both the same way more and more every second , even though they irritate me at times. 

Still whatever I love you both, now I know when my mom says that she loves me and my brother the same way ,she really means it. Moms love is understood only when we are a mom. 

teaching life

AS of now only thing that  is scaring me, my out of patience behaviour.

There are many things we need to keep a check in our behaviour towards kids as well as others around us. The main chapter of parenting is that, we cannot teach our kids to be like someone ,which we ourself cannot depict to them.

We always end up showing them the most vulnerable part of ours. Its easy for our kids to learn from what we show other than, through our long lectures , to them . We are letting them learn , about being the real human, but at times we want them to be the entire opposite to how we react . 

I show them my angry side, loving side, playful side, powerful style and many more. which comes out of me uncontrollably. I am showing them , thats life. Sometimes when am dealing with some impossible persons , whom I seriously don’t want to talk ever , or being a part of anything, which am not at all interested , I am show them , am just happy, and not my uncomfortable part. 

Being human is very difficult, we have to deal with many people and things ,and sometimes, we are forced to be what we are not, just to be accepted and considered. I do not want to be like that, but , when we count on others happiness , we just do it. Sometimes these sacrifices are always worthy and teach us many lessons. 

Life is a test , for which we do not have any preparations, and people whom we are dealing with are questions, which by reading  innumerable times also , we cannot understand. 

Hope my kids learn in quite well ,from this vulnerable mom. 

bribing my kids

As all parents , even i fall into bribing my kids at times, even though i know its bad.

Now am  trying not to do it, since i know  am doing bad to them. I buy them many things even if they don’t ask me , i like surprises. But now i have to get rid of it , because am spoiling them.

Few years back i had  a conversation with one of my friends , whose words keeps rumbling in my ears , always . She had told me about kids , who go into big schools ( i mean, where more money is rolled in) , they keep demanding their parents they want european tours or hifi parties and all ,like their rich friends. And poor parents are blamed for not meeting their demands. 

Am scared of such instances , coming up in my life. I don’t want to spoil my kids. I want them to learn to appreciate ,what they already have and things they can achieve with their handwork ,and not fall into such horrible demands.  I just can’t tell them that I may not be accepting such behaviour , so instead, am making them realise the importance of being happy with what you have .

Bribing is the stepping stone to all bigger demands, kids take it as an advantage.Sometimes accepting things which are feasible for us is good , sometimes its not acceptable. There are many parents who struggle all life to keep their kids happy  , they sacrifice everything for their kids. Ofcourse we love our kids, but love should be given in the form of our time , and attention,rather than gifts .

The time we give them, will always be the time they would give us back. So now on if I have to bribe my kids ,I would give them my time, instead of gadgets and favourite gifts. 

please grant me more patience

The pain in my head increases, the hormones are running up and down and here n there, seems like the world is upside  down, and gravity is running away ,and am rotating with the earth , tears and words running out of me, blood is rushing in me, everything is going against my wishes , and suddenly, all goes normal, seems i was in some roller coaster ride for few seconds. 

This happens when am all tried after all the work and finally out of a relaxed bath, and I see a big mess in the place , where I had just cleaned and left . 

I don’t know whom to blame and I tend to blame everyone , finally cleaning it up all on my own , and giving up shouting at everyone. I hate rework ,a and for past few years, thats what am doing every now and then . This year with my lil naughty one around,  its like double work for me , my elder one and their dad. 

Nothing is set right, the house is always upside down , nothing is in its proper place, nothing is beautiful , nothing is perfect. From morning till night , My bones are always in a up and down motion , as I have to keep picking things , and keep it safe up , else , keep picking up my daughter , as she keeps falling or doing some mischief. 

But in the end, when she is off to sleep, I look at her lovely innocent face, and feel relaxed, atleast she is happy . The way she holds on to me, and looks into my eyes and says her silent whisper ,that she loves me, all my tiredness vanishes into thin air , and leave me in the guilt of being angry and at times too bad to them. 

I wish that suit too vanish into thin air as my tiredness. 😉

morning blues

Vacation over, my marathon starts.

These ten days was quite relaxing, along with my kids, i too became too lazy , with my household. So yesterday night , shining about the coming week , I was damn tired to even think about it. The thought of me running around waking up everyone ,making all my breakfast n lunch and packing up all to school and office , it was all like a a movie am watching with the fast forward button on.

May be because of that , I woke  up quite early and that too at 5 in the morning , and then as usual , reading my friends blog that too early morning in my mobile. ( I guess am mad ) . I was reading  her blog ,she has 4 kids so , she will be more tiring than me ,her blog inspired me, atleast I just have to deal with two kids and their dad. 😉 Feeling better.

As I was about to get out of the bed, my lil one woke up , and then i walked around with her , once she was  relaxed i put her to bed , then even though the bed inspired me to sleep then , but I struggled a lot and got out and escaped out into the kitchen , Because I realised, in the end only I have to do all the work, and not my lazy bed.

I got into my daily households, switched off all my rest of the alarms, who help me to wake up in a tough morning , then once I was half done, I started waking up m lil girl, who is more upset , than me, to go to school. I tried to stay calm, and not to get irritated with her, as I remember even I was the same when I was a kid, ( even now) .

SO at last I escaped from the trap of morning blues , and I wish everyday, I win in such a way , its a tough war. 😉