I always stay close to my relations whether its family or friends because I hate being lonely. I hated the idea of having lunch or dinner all alone. I hated the idea of walking alone and much more except for watching TV , I always needed someone with me. 😉
Off late , my life is like crowded , my time is being evaded my two Lil angels ,which am enjoying too. I always love being with them.The way they keep holding my hands, talking to me and searching me all around when am out of their sight. I felt being important to someone at least. The feeling was quite overpowering that I hated the idea of being left alone. I keep telling them “what will mama do when you all go to school?” The thought always killed me, the idea of being alone, when we are not used to it for years.
I remember the days when I used to work , and if ever I had lunch alone , I keep calling my mum (the one person I keep disturbing all the time) and keep talking until am done. Now am happy, I have always my kids with me at home ,vacation I hate it and I love it too. Hate in the sense when they keep fighting and I love it because I have someone to pamper me.
But now, am like trying to fall in love with my loneliness, the things I have to get used to , else it will eat me up. I don’t want to be a devil soon . I keep talking to myself, in my time, like thinking out aloud , then try getting busier in things what I wanted to do always , before the thoughts about my daughters keep coming. The obsession of thinking what they do when am not around keeps haunting me.
Now I guess I love to be alone , something everyone will love when you have a chaotic life. 🙂