Getting married, at an early age- not a child marriage though. It was not the time I intended to get married that is what I meant.
It just led me to grapple enough during the initial phases of my life. It was the time when I felt I should give up and drop away most of the time. I was like a fragile age of 21- which was the budding stage of my career. Work, home and marriage were tough to handle, as I never knew what to prioritize.
Anyways, no repent over the spilt milk.
When I was accentuated out, I spoke to friends, finally, when I thought I was crushing them with my silly grievances, I finally found nirvana in music. Lost in the music, it was easier for me to work along. Even when I was exhausted after work, I plugged in my music and did my household works.
For years this went on if I did ever recall.
I was also someone who enjoyed a lousy day, sleeping all day along, watching movies, doing nothing but just munching on every day. Seems I was never a fortunate one to enjoy it, as I was carrying the burdens of expectation beyond my reach. Managing my own dreams was easier than working on others demands.
Seems I was too exhausted, as I was breaking away and finally gave up my job which was either not meeting my expectations or vice versa.
Then came the blessed moments of my life, which I attribute as the best of my innings and truly the reason that I am happier in my life. Thinking about it buds a smile on me. Indeed the driving force in my life.
When I became a mother, there was a transformation in me, something beyond my expectations. I started to keep myself second in the queues or preferably last and considered to meet the needs of my child first and then the rest and finally me (which never happened though). Motherhood indeed steps us into a different world. A world beyond imagination – as the feel was tremendous. I was someone like a career-oriented one who focused on winning. But with my little one in my arms, I wanted to just win her smile. Nothing else ever mattered me then.
As years passed on, watching them grow is something I enjoyed the most. Blissful motherhood I could call. But there was a sudden havoc in my so-called mind. I was losing, as I realised I was getting exhausted. I needed to break away, but not on my child or anyone around. It was indeed the call for depression. It scared me more than ever- becoming a demon. This is when I decided to write and became a blogger. It helped me vent out my pressure that was building up. It brought in a realm of happiness in my life – as I could be a happier mother.
Being a mother, I was more confined in the four walls of my home. My thoughts rebounded on me and just made me a lot crazier. With my kids outgrowing my arms, I decided to get back to work, to be a good role model for my children. I wanted to be independent always, even it meant struggling for it. An ongoing struggle though, as my heart has grown brittle over the years.
I smiled all day long, even when I was hell exhausted until I break away on my bed. Poems soothed my mind and eased away my tiredness. I decided to work harder, I know its never easier, but I had my role model in front of me- My mother- She is the strongest person I ever witnessed in my life. She was my silent power, who struggled a lot to pin my life well. Though I never could be like her- she was the tinge of inspiration to me. She taught me to smile – even when there was a havoc in her world. I might not be a good daughter or mother, but I adhered to work ahead on my beliefs, following it even now.
All I do is write, which is my passion. As I write, it just soothes my mind, tantalizing and revitalizing it to face anything that comes along. So even when am completely exhausted, All I do is plug in my headphones and go ahead penning my favourite romantic poems. As I publish them, I am like the little girl who waits for the rewards. I wait eagerly for people to read and tell me what they feel about my writing. At times I pour in my weaknesses, my desires etc., that just pushes me along in my journey.
I am lucky enough to have my passion and profession the same. Writing not only brought back my financial stability but also reproduced a new me to my family and loved ones.
It is true when you are passionate, you never feel exhausted as your mind is always on a running spree. The enthusiasm drives me crazier to write more and relinquishes my frailty.
Writing for me is like an elixir of life.