Blog · Mommy musings · Some Things Important and Unsaid · WFH MOM struggles

How Motherhood has Changed me

Ever since the world has become upside down for me, after the birth of my two lovely angels, one in 2010 and the other in 2014, I never knew until then, what my life is going to be. I touch my belly, as I lay cuddled near my gems, thinking about those times, when they were in my womb. Years have passed now, they outgrow my arms and I know one day I have to let them fly.
I do remember the first and the second labor which I had gone through to deliver my angels. While the very first one, i was completely perplexed and lost. I even remember the times, I dreamt I might deliver my baby in the toilet. (Yes, i had the weirdest imaginations, lack of knowledge I presume). Now when I see pregnant ladies around me, I am touched by those nostalgic winds. I recollect those days when I used to have those big bellies , swollen feet and chubby cheeks.
Ever since then my dress sizes have gone up not down, I did put on weight a lot and I was always under stress which was tarring my mind with mom guilt. Whatever I did, I blamed myself, for not being a perfect mom. I used to feel that I am not doing my best for my kids at times. This was going on for months and years. Until at one point of time, I realized it is OK not being perfect. That is when , I decided to be lenient upon myself as a mother. I understood that, if I want my kids to be happy, I should make myself happier. A happier mom , has a happier child.
Motherhood also taught new things and changed me in a better way. It made me do things, which i never dared to do. It built me a new armour of courage and strength. I slide down a big slide, when I was so scared of heights, just because I want my daughter to enjoy the slide.I stood there watching her panic , and for a moment though, I think I should give her a hand for the first time. And even when I was scared, I dared myself to walk up and sit with her, telling her “this is simple”, but deep inside me, I was consoling my fears. But then I did it for her, and alas I was not scared. I could run faster than anything, I could be super fast in everything I do, I could manage to hear barely three walls ahead in the room where my kids played. I could keep my ears and third eye open while I sleep and my sensitivity to anything and everything that I lay alert even at night.
Motherhood also taught me that taking care of myself and being healthy is important. I was a lazy person almost all part of my life until now. Now I ensure that my kids eat healthy hence I too eat healthily. I became a researcher on almost on all topics that i stumble upon. I began to work out and do more yoga, and ensure my kids do the same. I sleep early, have no junk foods, concentrate on what i do, as i have observers around.
Motherhood also taught me what selfless love is all about. The love and care I have for my children and what they have for me is something immeasurable. There was a time when I enjoyed a different kind of relationship and thought that was love, and pure love. But now I know what pure love is all about.The way my children take care of me when I am ill, is like my parents did for me. It is the best I can ever get.
Love is all those wonky written cards, that my kids give me on my birthdays. The weird me drawings they make for me now and then. The endless hugs and cuddles. Every “amma” they call , that makes my heart skip a beat.Its the effort my children does to make me get some rest, and everytime they stand for me, when someone wanna fight with me.
Nothing seems mundane in my life now, everything has its beauty and color. I realized many things that I never understood when i was in the state of pre-parenthood.Now even listening to any other child cry, makes me think of mine, it aches my heart to the core. The moment my kids are away from me, my panic clock starts to work like a maniac. Everything has changed.
Everything is changing, yet positively. And I am in love with being a mom.

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