As I was busy in the kitchen making our dinner ready lost in my thoughts about what to make and what not to make, there comes my little sunshine running to me. Her face was so tensed, for a second the thoughts crawled in my mind .. worrying what exactly was going on in her mind. Her eyes had thousands of questions to me.
I knelt down, putting on halt whatever I was doing, giving her my full attention. I looked closely into her eyes. Her eyes questioned me before her lips could deliver the words. I waited …..as she uttered
” Mamma, are you gonna die? ”
The question was a little surprising. As some great people, I said ” All people die one day my dear. ” with a smile decorated on my lips.
And the weird part for a moment I felt like I gave an intellectual answer, but the way she took it was totally vulnerable. I was stuck and then suddenly realized, how little she was to understand what I said. Before I could speak another word…. she started to cry
” Mamma don’t die please, Mamma don’t die, please. You cannot die ..” She wept profusely. I was not sure how could I ever assure her a false promise that I would be alive. Just then I took her in my arms, convincing her that I was not going to die and be with her forever.
My little sunshine brought out a million dollar smile on her face that totally lit my world up.
For a moment even I thought, Death is something one cannot handle, but an inevitable portion of life.
Let us build memories
memories of your childhood
the memories that lay the foundation of my love for you
I want to be the one you wake up in the early mornings
I want to be the one that you want to cuddle into when you are scared
or even want slip into the deep sleep
let me cuddle you with all my love
let me be a part of your story that is irreplaceable
let me kiss away your pain when you cry
rest your head on my chest, let me suck away all your pain
you are the born out of me
a piece of me that even being cut away I cannot live with
O my child, you are the one I treasure always.
She looks into my eyes as if she has thousands of words rumbling in her head. Even while conversing with others, my inner eyes and conscience are focused on her. I smile inside as I see her struggling to grab my attention with her naughty little tantrums. She tries all her way out to let me look at her and cuddle her. Yet I was testing her patience to the core. I couldn’t stop giggling. Her eyes and the tiny little nose always attracted me, I felt like biting them. Still, I held my heart waiting patiently.
Finally, she was out of her patience, She grabbed my face forcibly focusing my whole attention on her sweet face. She looked at me….and observed I was still talking to my friend. She with her tiny little fingers closed my lips, which I felt like the rose petals caressing my lips. Her tender hands were the softest like the dew drops. I looked at her, smiling and then cuddled her so hard tickling her when she burst out in laughs.
I knew she wanted my attention as she returned from school. It was hard for her to let go my sight from her. Adoring the moments with her, I walked her in my arms holding her tight, as if I never wanted her to grow up. I wish I could hold the time there and be with her for a while until my life is washed away. the thought of being away from her engulfs a fear in my heart, that is what makes me crave for more.
A starting trouble, thinking about what to write… A lot of thoughts flashed in my mind when I thought to write that everything is beautiful and the best part of my life. I cannot imagine living without them. Then my heart said as always when you start to pen down God will lead you to what you want. Yes, God has led me to everything that happened in my life and will always be there as a guiding force. God has come in different forms in my life and the best of all is my sweet lil daughter, Nandana. As her name means “Contributor to happiness”, yes she is the soul of our family’s happiness. When I announced the good news about her arrival, everything changed for me or I can say everything looked different for me. I love to see her grow every day and every minute. I don’t want to be a mom who is invading into her life but someone who is lovingly invited into her life as a friend, a companion, a mentor and overall a mother. The way I see and understand her in all possible way, she too understands me through my words, my gestures and I am loving it.