Blog · Mommy musings · Some Things Important and Unsaid · WFH MOM struggles

How Motherhood has Changed me

Ever since the world has become upside down for me, after the birth of my two lovely angels, one in 2010 and the other in 2014, I never knew until then, what my life is going to be. I touch my belly, as I lay cuddled near my gems, thinking about those times, when they were in my womb. Years have passed now, they outgrow my arms and I know one day I have to let them fly.
I do remember the first and the second labor which I had gone through to deliver my angels. While the very first one, i was completely perplexed and lost. I even remember the times, I dreamt I might deliver my baby in the toilet. (Yes, i had the weirdest imaginations, lack of knowledge I presume). Now when I see pregnant ladies around me, I am touched by those nostalgic winds. I recollect those days when I used to have those big bellies , swollen feet and chubby cheeks.
Ever since then my dress sizes have gone up not down, I did put on weight a lot and I was always under stress which was tarring my mind with mom guilt. Whatever I did, I blamed myself, for not being a perfect mom. I used to feel that I am not doing my best for my kids at times. This was going on for months and years. Until at one point of time, I realized it is OK not being perfect. That is when , I decided to be lenient upon myself as a mother. I understood that, if I want my kids to be happy, I should make myself happier. A happier mom , has a happier child.
Motherhood also taught new things and changed me in a better way. It made me do things, which i never dared to do. It built me a new armour of courage and strength. I slide down a big slide, when I was so scared of heights, just because I want my daughter to enjoy the slide.I stood there watching her panic , and for a moment though, I think I should give her a hand for the first time. And even when I was scared, I dared myself to walk up and sit with her, telling her “this is simple”, but deep inside me, I was consoling my fears. But then I did it for her, and alas I was not scared. I could run faster than anything, I could be super fast in everything I do, I could manage to hear barely three walls ahead in the room where my kids played. I could keep my ears and third eye open while I sleep and my sensitivity to anything and everything that I lay alert even at night.
Motherhood also taught me that taking care of myself and being healthy is important. I was a lazy person almost all part of my life until now. Now I ensure that my kids eat healthy hence I too eat healthily. I became a researcher on almost on all topics that i stumble upon. I began to work out and do more yoga, and ensure my kids do the same. I sleep early, have no junk foods, concentrate on what i do, as i have observers around.
Motherhood also taught me what selfless love is all about. The love and care I have for my children and what they have for me is something immeasurable. There was a time when I enjoyed a different kind of relationship and thought that was love, and pure love. But now I know what pure love is all about.The way my children take care of me when I am ill, is like my parents did for me. It is the best I can ever get.
Love is all those wonky written cards, that my kids give me on my birthdays. The weird me drawings they make for me now and then. The endless hugs and cuddles. Every “amma” they call , that makes my heart skip a beat.Its the effort my children does to make me get some rest, and everytime they stand for me, when someone wanna fight with me.
Nothing seems mundane in my life now, everything has its beauty and color. I realized many things that I never understood when i was in the state of pre-parenthood.Now even listening to any other child cry, makes me think of mine, it aches my heart to the core. The moment my kids are away from me, my panic clock starts to work like a maniac. Everything has changed.
Everything is changing, yet positively. And I am in love with being a mom.

Mommy musings · Musing and Thoughts · random thoughts · Some Things Important and Unsaid · WFH MOM struggles

Be a listener to your child too

Forget a lot many dreams, what about just one dream, how a normal, average family can fulfill just one of her random wishes.

When I watched the movie “KAPPELA” (Malayalam), it triggered my thoughts. How a girl from a small town comes to a city just to meet a stranger. Strangely she confesses her dreams to an unknown person and only her friend to see a beach. And then she ends up in troubles unimaginable.

Why couldn’t she even ask her parents?

Why she had to even depend on a guy from outside or someone, not her family?

The movie also portrays the scene when the father beats up the little sister, without even asking her an explanation, assuming that she did wrong. Does really beating up, bring up the right kind of well-behaved, girl child. No, you can also instill trust in them, a feeling that no matter what, happens, their parents are strong enough to support them.

Why does a little baby, clings to their mother, all the time, because it trusts the mother. A caregiving hand, which protects her, the baby can even blindly cling to its mom, no matter what happens, because it knows, that protection is intact.  But as it grows up, the child loses that grip with the parents, when it was abandoned even once for a single moment knowingly or unknowingly.

Restore that trust in your child, else you lose them.

Is it a mistake or a strict parenting method?

I do not know. But I feel that it is important for families to give space to their kids to explain their dreams, desires, and needs. Else kids have a tendency to walk to a stranger, who might be a danger or a blessing.

It is not about a city or town, parents who are so glued to their work-life forget that their children for whom they are brooding all the money for, also want them to talk to them and share some time with them.

We can see parents are mostly hardworking and spending each penny carefully, but they are too strict with the kids that make them much more vulnerable. Parents assume that being strict is good, but sometimes, they need to place themselves in their kid’s minds and see what they might need from you.

Some parents, they beat up the girl child, for just talking to boys. Talking never harms or causes any problem, but the child begins to wonder why she was beaten up for doing nothing. This gets rooted in her mind. And since the human mind is more inclined to do wrong things (labeled by society), they tend to do it much more to agitate their anger and frustration.

The child becomes secluded and stops sharing even the tiniest desire they have because they are scared of being judged or scolded or even punished. They start to hide, as their tiniest desires are never being heard and then begins the time when they find their own way out.

Parenting is hard and complicated. , but not impossible.

Be the parent who can help the child open up to you than anyone else. Be the friend who they need and want.

Most of the girls tend to be quiet and start to hide everything from the parents, when they feel that they are judged.  Be the one who listens to her dream or even walks with her to fulfill it. We may not know what things pop up in life, but always, be a good listener. Listen to your child’s argument before jumping into the conclusion. Open up for a healthy discussion- means a clear wheel of conversation wherein you just don’t talk alone but discuss and let the other person put in their share of words too.

Your child may be small, but learn to give your ear to them. Once ignored, they are never going to back.

 

Mommy musings · Musing and Thoughts · WFH MOM struggles

Back to school – not like the olden days

A new year starts again..but no need for school bags..and no school bus nor the school benches.
No shared lunch
No lunch Gupshups.
Only virtual interactions…
Things are changing..and we are adapting to new technology-oriented classroom sessions.
It all new to all.
Let’s help each other… Be it parents or teachers..or even our kids..let their burdens be reduced with every lil help offered.

A beginning is always with team effort..so be the strong member to help our kids.

As a parent, you are going to take up the role of a teacher …guide them and take this opportunity to unlearn the bad and learn many new things.
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Soulrecitals
#sreepriyawrites #backtoschool #newbeginnings #virtualclassrooms

Mommy musings · Musing and Thoughts · WFH MOM struggles

The 10 tips that helped me to decide to pursue a job after 10 years

white bubble illustration
Photo by Miguel Á. Padriñán on Pexels.com

First, let me confess, It is not an easy decision as it sounds.

It took me a long pause to decide and thanks to my mom and kids, who helped me decide upon it.

Like all other moms, who are into staying at home after delivery, I too had so many thoughts about taking up a career. It was again a gush of emotions.

The guilt feelings that come along were:

  • I will miss the time with my kids.
  • I will miss everything
  • I will miss everything..

and I yes it was all that- I miss tagging in everything I thought about. It was not leading me anywhere positive.

When I consult anyone who knows me very well (i assume), they end up saying conflicting statements.

“you will get, you will do it easily – but yes, it might be difficult for kids”.

it also never led me anywhere.

All i wanted was someone telling me – I can do it, and I am not gonna miss anything because I will be working.

And yes, I heard them, from my kids and my mom. They were reassuring me with their words and my lil one with all the love. It did boost my confidence, sliding the guilt to the slight corner of my heart.

Even though I have all these contradictory thoughts, in my head, I was pretty confident in my own choices. I trust in everything that happens…

And finally, it was the day, when I was supposed to be starting my job(now 9 months to it though) – it swept away my sleep and i was filled with anxiety, but to my happiness, it all went well, rather better than expected.

Thanks to all who made me win the moment.

If i would say- every woman – needs a job or even pursue something that they love to do. It is not just independence that matters, it gives her joy, which knows no bounds. Give her the freedom to choose not permission.

She cannot do it alone, though – as she supports you, you(family, friends, colleagues)  also need to be supportive. Sometime she might be taking her baby steps after a long gap. Hold her and support her, give her space, she is sure to walk along.

My tips to women who are coming back to work

  1. Just relax, it is not a crime to get back to work.
  2. Seek help,  we need not be egoistic.
  3. Don’t strain yourself because only you are there to take care of yourself.
  4. Do not set too many high expectations, take small steps to achieve the big.
  5. Finish your chores, before you are overloaded – always expect the worst and enjoy the best( as a surprise).
  6. Being guilty is common- stop thinking about it and spend your time wisely.
  7. I always thought – my parents did work hard and earn enough to teach me and gain a good education- I should never let it go wasted.
  8. You are good – all you need is a little up-gradation – even an engine requires a service to restart, then why not us.
  9. Never shun away from learning new things.
  10. Network, network, and network- they just lead you or give you better insights.

As I was saying,

It took me a long time to realize that I was on my right path, but yes it took me to the right destiny at the right moment. Hence if you are still in the moderation time of your thoughts.- no worries you are just reaching right on time.

(have patience – the gift of motherhood)

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Mommy musings · Musing and Thoughts · WFH MOM struggles

The days I want to re-live

back view photo of a woman in black sleeveless top carrying a toddler
Photo by Flora Westbrook on Pexels.com

Recently, I had a reminiscence moment when I visited my neighbor.

To remind you, I am mostly quite reluctant to take other babies. Call it my worry that I might lead the baby to cry or maybe because I overthink a lot about not handling the baby ( in spite of being a mother twice). I recall having this problem from the very beginning and it did subside a little when I actually held my cousin’s little baby back when I was in 9th standard.

Basically, in short, I was reluctant to take any baby. Most often I have avoided. People might look at me strangely, but oh,, I have never been bothered about it.

When I held my neighbor’s child, in my arms. I was not actually looking at her- but all I was wandering through those momentous time , when I first held my daughters in my arms. It went in my head like a quick recap.

First 9 years back, the moment I held my first one, and when she grows up suddenly, then finally my little one in my arms. To the yawning baby in my arms, all  I could reciprocate was a smile, which was the aftereffect of the fondest memory drive I had.

It was fun, even if it was short-lived.

Even though I had been through those moments, I just felt like re-living them again. To witness, they sleep, eat, grow, smile everything… I just don’t want to miss it for anything in the whole world.

Growing old seemed like a swift journey with kids around. Until then, everything seemed to be slow, but with them along, time began to slip away from my hands.

All I get is these moments to hold on for a lifetime as a mom. Perfect or not, All I want is them – my daughters my heaven.

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Soul Recitals