The days I want to re-live

back view photo of a woman in black sleeveless top carrying a toddler
Photo by Flora Westbrook on

Recently, I had a reminiscence moment when I visited my neighbor.

To remind you, I am mostly quite reluctant to take other babies. Call it my worry that I might lead the baby to cry or maybe because I overthink a lot about not handling the baby ( in spite of being a mother twice). I recall having this problem from the very beginning and it did subside a little when I actually held my cousin’s little baby back when I was in 9th standard.

Basically, in short, I was reluctant to take any baby. Most often I have avoided. People might look at me strangely, but oh,, I have never been bothered about it.

When I held my neighbor’s child, in my arms. I was not actually looking at her- but all I was wandering through those momentous time , when I first held my daughters in my arms. It went in my head like a quick recap.

First 9 years back, the moment I held my first one, and when she grows up suddenly, then finally my little one in my arms. To the yawning baby in my arms, all  I could reciprocate was a smile, which was the aftereffect of the fondest memory drive I had.

It was fun, even if it was short-lived.

Even though I had been through those moments, I just felt like re-living them again. To witness, they sleep, eat, grow, smile everything… I just don’t want to miss it for anything in the whole world.

Growing old seemed like a swift journey with kids around. Until then, everything seemed to be slow, but with them along, time began to slip away from my hands.

All I get is these moments to hold on for a lifetime as a mom. Perfect or not, All I want is them – my daughters my heaven.


Soul Recitals




The inevitable truth

As I was busy in the kitchen making our dinner ready lost in my thoughts about what to make and what not to make, there comes my little sunshine running to me. Her face was so tensed, for a second the thoughts crawled in my mind .. worrying what exactly was going on in her mind. Her eyes had thousands of questions to me.

I knelt down, putting on halt whatever I was doing, giving her my full attention. I looked closely into her eyes. Her eyes questioned me before her lips could deliver the words. I waited … she uttered 

” Mamma, are you gonna die? ” 

The question was a little surprising. As some great people, I said ” All people die one day my dear. ” with a smile decorated on my lips. 

And the weird part for a moment I felt like I gave an intellectual answer, but the way she took it was totally vulnerable. I was stuck and then suddenly realized, how little she was to understand what I said. Before I could speak another word…. she started to cry 

” Mamma don’t die please, Mamma don’t die, please. You cannot die ..” She wept profusely. I was not sure how could I ever assure her a false promise that I would be alive. Just then I took her in my arms, convincing her that I was not going to die and be with her forever. 

My little sunshine brought out a million dollar smile on her face that totally lit my world up. 

For a moment even I thought, Death is something one cannot handle, but an inevitable portion of life. 

I fight with you, yet I love you mom


You were the angel who cared me

Your hands protected me

Your love sheltered me

your anger was the love for me

I knew you loved me

yet I fought with you

I knew what a mother’s love was

when I was blessed like you

I knew what is to love equally, not more and not less

I realised how can someone love so selflessly

I realised how can one stay all night awake

I realised how to love unconditionally

I realised how to give away without expecting anything return

I loved you more when ever I loved my kids

I treasure you the most in my life

You are my world

You are the one who made me who I am

I love you the most Mum

I love you as you irreplaceable

Happy Mother’s day Mom.